Waiting Is Not Easy

4 minute read

The other day I had written on the struggle and reward of waiting for the promise of a better future. The theme I was focusing on was to enjoy life as you wait for the next steps in your journey. Although it may be easy to write something so lofty, it is not always that easy to put into action. Life is not always enjoyable, and waiting for something can be almost unbearable. We’ve all had the wonderful experience of waiting at the DMV and had that cold sweat drip down our backs as we assess the line and think to ourselves, “I’m not going to be out of here for another 2 hours.” As the time slowly ticks on by you think about how you’re now stuck and whatever it was you were going to do right after the DMV is now being slowly wiped away. You feel as though by being stuck in waiting, you are missing out on all that is on the other side. This is the feeling I had to tackle this morning.

I was scheduled to clean our church, which I do every week as a part-time job. I was going to use this time to think over life and pray about some decisions that I can make leading up to my next job. My goal for the entire day was simple, remain positive at all times. If I could bring myself to a negative thought, I could just as well bring myself to the positive side of things. At least that was the logical conclusion I made the other night. Emotion will inevitably play the bully in the situation and push Logic to the side and give him a wedgie. While vacuuming between the pews, I looked up at the stain glass windows, admiring the depictions of the lives of the saints. I saw crowns and rays of light emitting from each scene, showing victory and glory. The imagery fills you with wonder and excitement, and yet, I selfishly compared it to my life. When will I see the victory? When will I feel a moment of the coronation in which I surpass the drudgery of waiting? When will I have peace?

While I walked back and forth in my repetitive task, I then moved on to the decision I had to make. I needed to figure out what I was going to do about work until I find a solid full-time position. I became so frustrated while cleaning because my mind was playing an uncalled for match of ping pong, bouncing back and forth between Logic and Emotion. I wish with all my being that most of the time these two would be on the same side, but that’s rarely the case nowadays. Emotion seems to be a sensitive kid that is afraid of his own shadow, while Logic is a mature academic who “has seen some things.” However, when it comes to life’s troubles, they don’t sit down over a cup of coffee and discuss options calmly and orderly. They rip off their breakaway pants, throw on a sweatband, and dive right into a heated table tennis match. Winner takes all. This apparently is Emotion’s strongest skill ever, because the majority of the time he comes out in victory with a clean sweep. During this battle in my mind, I was actually able to get a job working at a summer camp in which I could work basically full time and with decent pay up until October if needed. This good news was overshadowed by the tournament that was still in play so I didn’t even rejoice in this.

After cleaning I was ready to head on home, and take a bit of a breather, spending time with my family to digest the day. I go to my Jeep, put the key in the ignition, and turn it to get this bad boy on the road. The lights in the car come on, flicker, and give out as the car’s silence lets me know the battery is dead. I kiss my hands like an Italian chef because I can’t help but acknowledge this sweet little garnish to a day of swirling stress. I call my wife to come get me so I can jump start the car and then head on over to the auto parts store to get a new battery. I apparently greatly underestimated the cost of the battery because I was smacked across the face with a nice $150 bill. That’s a spicy meat-a-ball. Well now the car at least starts and there’s nothing I could’ve done about the battery, it hadn’t been replaced since long before I bought the Jeep. Now fully charged, we can head on home. The day is beautifully sunny and 75 degrees, so I’m gonna throw on some good music and roll the windows down to enjoy this time. I can’t roll them all down because my back passenger side window’s motor is broken and propped up by a stick that is jammed inside the door. While cruising down the highway, I hear a constant clunk and tap that appears to be coming from the engine or somewhere in the front end of the car. I didn’t know a maraschino cherry could be placed on an already mountainous plate of pasta and meat-a-balls.

Without a doubt, Emotion was racking up the points as the day continuously gave him fuel to freak out and beat Logic match after match. After dinner, I was mentally exhausted from trying my hardest to remain afloat in a sea of stress. It wasn’t until I broke down a bit, talked with my wife, and a phone call with my dad that I began to calm the waters of my soul. I started reflecting on the day and all the wisdom that was being imparted on me from my family. In times like this, we sometimes need Logic and Emotion to not fight against one another but work together. Emotion has a role to play and can sit on the sidelines with Faith and cheer Logic on. The game also needs to change, because Logic is really good at chess. Logic can then play the real opponent, Life, winning with ease as Faith and Emotion coach and encourage him. What used to be a heated duel with your inner self, now becomes a harmonious trio working to push you along through the pitfalls and struggles you face. 

I’m still in the waiting room and do find myself glancing out the windows and longing to be outside in the beautiful weather. However, I noticed that there are some good magazines and a free coffee bar. Waiting in life is not always fun, but if we focus on where we are not all the time, we can miss out on some treats where we are. It only comes when we can effectively allow Logic, Emotion, and Faith to work as the team they are supposed to be.